Weird Wonders: Another Strap-on Game

Here I go again. Writing another story about phallic shaped controllers. Why am I always the one writing about the dick games?

Some of you may remember the story about the Japanese Peeing Game. But here’s another one that’s brand new and involves more…uh…poking. The game is called Swordfight and as you can see, you strap on these old Atari 2600 controllers to your crotch and the first person to push the other player’s…uh…buttons wins. Pretty fucking weird, huh? Oh whatever, you totally want to try it out; see which of your friends has better pelvic thrusting skills. And I’m sure the makers of this game would say this is good for women as well, to allow them to know what it feels like to have a penis. Blah blah blah.

Don’t get me wrong, this game looks like fun and I have no problem with penises. Yeah, so a penis can slap, poke, and hit things and in that respect it’s pretty cool.  I’m just wondering what’s the big fucking deal? I’m just saying the female anatomy has some good qualities too. Ok, not the vagina because it’s just layer after layer, and the only thing to do with that is just make a vagina-like plate with dividers that you use for chips and salsa to scare the shit out of your in-laws. Believe me, I’ve done it. But what about boobs? Everybody loves boobs, I even love boobs. And I’m sure guys would really love boobs. So what about a game with boob guns? Yes, some sort of bra harness that you strap on, complete with tit ammunition. Sorta like a laser tag game, except you shoot your opponents with your bazoomas. How awesome would that be? You know what else is awesome? How many times I said ‘boobs’ in that paragraph.

I’m afraid penis games are a thing of the past. The people have spoken, and they want big ole jug guns! Let me know when I can cover that story.

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Brittany Saturn

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